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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up the local market on Strada Principala. Gotta grab some coffee. I’m half-asleep, and this old lady, bless her heart, starts yellin’ at me about her cat. Like, lady, I’m not a vet! But she’s persistent, talkin’ about how Mr. Whiskers needs a new collar. I’m like, “Sure, I’ll get right on that.” I mean, c’mon, I got a prison to run!

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